Talk Amongst Yourselves

Yes, a woman CAN open it, but not without ruining her manicure.

I am off camping again, for the second time in three weeks, so I've left you something to be amused by.  We've come a long way, baby.  I thought these were great! 

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Wow! My two favorite foods!

I am shocked you can't buy these.

as opposed to the tender... what?

"But I might have, dear, if you hadn't rescued me from myself!"

yeah, sweat is HOT!

This is one of those posts about failure

So. I went camping. In the woods. Being me, I brought something to try, in the culinary sense. I decided to try and make beer can chicken on a Coleman stove. Beer can chicken is a recipe that I have been making for years, very successfully, in my oven. I saw the method I used on food network and figured, "well, its not like there is anything else to do in the woods..."

The concept is pretty simple. Take a whole chicken, cover it in rub, insert a half full can of beer where the sun don't shine, and (in the oven, at least) in an hour and 30 minutes you have a wonderfully moist, flavorful chicken. In the woods, its never that easy.

To try this, I rubbed the chicken in my yummy beer can chicken rub (recipe below) and tried to violate it with the beer can. Hubby bought the beer. It was a can of Fosters (Australian for abnormally large can!) It had to have been a 30oz can. It was large, and the chicken, well, wasn't. Luckily, we had some empty cans of diet coke, so we washed one, and partially filled it with beer. At this point, you need to try and balance the chicken on the two drumsticks and the beer can, kind of like a tripod in your cooking vessel. If nothing else, it makes a hell of a dramatic presentation piece. In the oven you just stick it in, and leave it alone. The beer boils, and comes out the neck hole of the chicken (kind of like a percolator) and bastes the chicken for you. Well, I didn't have an oven, I had a tiny camp stove, and a cast iron frying pan. I tented the chicken in tinfoil, and put in the meat thermometer.

2 hours later...
The breast meat cooked, the thermometer read 166F but the drumsticks were still a little rare, about 138F, that's good with steak, but not so much with poultry. There was an air leak at the bottom of the tin foil, and that caused the bottom not to cook efficiently. At this point, I was done. I put the mostly cooked bird in my cooler (it got cooked at home) and made myself a hot dog. Oh well, there's always next week, when I have to camp AGAIN.

Beer Can Chicken Rub

1 T brown sugar
1 T paprika
2 t pepper
1 t salt
1 t chili powder (more or less, according to taste)
1/2 t garlic powder
1/2 t onion powder

Mix well, and rub all over chicken. If you have time, wrap it in saran wrap and throw it in the fridge for a few hours. This lets it "marinate." Then, insert the half full beer can into the chicken, and put it in the oven, on a baking vessel with sides, as the beer tends to leak. Bake at 350 for an hour and a half.


This is Ella, and the best fluff face ever. See, someone ate well in the Maine wilderness.

Photo credit to Laurel M, who documented this whole experiment, and was even nice enough not to make fun of me when it didn't work.

Into The Woods

This week is going to be a challenge. I HATE camping, and yes, I know that hate is a strong word. The strength is why I am using it, it so perfectly sums up my feelings about sleeping in the woods. I could go into my reasons, but you don't need to hear me whine. Lets just say that growing up in the country was enough camping for me. Ever. Regardless, I love Hubby more than words can express, which is why I am submitting myself to this "recreational" torture. He has been asking for 6 years, and since I am not pregnant, or caring for a newborn, I no longer have an excuse. It was fun while it lasted.

Regardless of where we spend our "vacation" we still need to eat. I have decided not to compromise on the food front, so if that means toting my santoku knife into the boonies, so be it. I pity the bear that wanders into my site. Standard camping fare seems to be hot dogs, potato salad, and things that come in cans. This won't do, while I give you that there are few better things in the world than a hot dog cooked over a wood fire, beans and potato salad aren't food in my book. So - lets cut to the chase. You are being exiled to the forest. You are sad. Lets pack some chocolate.

The best brownies ever - adapted from a Dave Lieberman recipe

12 T butter
1 1/2 c sugar
2 eggs
2 T water
1/2 t vanilla
1/2 t salt
1/2 t baking powder
3/4 c cocoa powder
1/2 c flour
1-2 c chocolate chips (or peanut butter chips, whatever sounds good)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.

Grease a 9 by 13-inch pan with butter. Beat the 1 1/2 sticks butter and the sugar together in a large bowl until blended. Beat in the eggs 1 at a time, then stir in water and vanilla. Sprinkle the salt and baking powder over the mixture, then mix in. Do the same with the cocoa. Finally, stir in the flour until just blended. Stir the chocolate chips into the batter thoroughly. Scrape the batter into the prepared pan. Bake for about 30 minutes, until the center is set, the edges look a bit crusty, and the top of the brownies start to crack a little. Cool completely before cutting into squares.

Yes, these brownies have more chocolate and sugar in them than flour. That's just part of their charm. They are perfect for emotional eating. If you really hate camping, put one inside a s'more. I bet its good.

Stealing from Chain Restaurants

Not too long ago, Hubby and I went out to dinner at a local chain restaurant. I had this great rice, and I have been dying to make it ever since. I am not really in the mood to be sued and with my luck it would probably happen, so I am not identifying said restaurant.

Brown Rice with Cranberries, Carrots and Onions

1 large onion
2-3 cups of brown rice (I used instant)
1 medium carrot
1 cup of dried cranberries
3 cloves of minced garlic
olive oil
salt and pepper


Peel and grate the carrot, and mince the garlic. Chop the onion into small pieces. Get the water started for the rice according to the package directions. Put the rice and the cranberries into the water and cook the rice as directed. While this is happening, saute the onion in a drizzle of olive oil. Season with salt and pepper, and for the last two minutes add the garlic. Trust me, don't overcook the garlic, it gets nasty and bitter if it burns. When the rice is done, add the grated carrot, and the cooked onion and garlic. Stir it all together, and season to taste with salt and pepper. Throw a few "uncooked" cranberries on top and serve.

This is a great, fresh tasting recipe, and its a good side for chicken, or any summer meal. Its also stupidly easy, which in my book, makes it a keeper. Enjoy your rice, and enjoy "sticking it to the man" by making your own version of restaurant food.

Pizza Sauce

Apparently my pizza itch hasn't been scratched yet, and since I visited the Cheese Guy again on Saturday, today seemed like a good day for some pie. Since I also found some beautiful tomatos at the farmers market, I decided to try and make some homemade pizza sauce. I have never done this, so I decided to scour the internet for recipes. I was dissapointed, because most of the recipes I found started with "1 can of tomato sauce...." I have tomatos, in actual tomato form, so it was time to get creative.

Meg's "I don't know how to make pizza sauce" pizza sauce.

2 large ripe tomatos
2 - 3 cloves of minced garlic
about a T of chopped fresh basil and oregano (to taste)
1 t salt
1 t pepper
3 T tomato paste
1 T sugar (optional)

Simple right? I started with the whole tomatos, and tossed them into a pot of boiling water. This makes the skin pop off. Pull them out, rinse them in cold water, and peel off the skins. Then, smoosh the tomato innards with your hands until you get a smooth goopy pile of tomatos, either in a pot or skillet . Add the garlic, herbs, s + p, and simmer on low for a bit, to get the tomatos cooked, and to reduce out some of the water. At this point, my sauce looked pretty wet still, so I added the tomato paste. I whisked it all together, and it tasted great! Some people might like the sauce a bit sweeter than mine, so if you do, slowly add the sugar and taste as you go. Adjust the seasoning and you are done! This made enough for about 2 large pizzas.

Yeast is your friend.

This is a short post. I am writing to all of you who have never baked with yeast out of fear. Yeast is not hard, or scary, in fact its your friend. There is nothing better than the smell of rising dough, or baking bread. Once you have mastered these tiny organisms, you have legions of tiny minions, waiting to do your bidding, that is assuming that your bidding involves dough or fermenting beer.

There are two kinds of dry yeast, regular and rapid rise. Rapid rise takes half the time of regular yeast, and its the only kind I use. So, you have your tiny packet of yeast, and you aren't sure it its alive? Take the amount of yeast and the amount of water you need for your recipe, and mix them together, preferably with whatever sugar product you are using in the recipe. In a few minutes your mix should have developed a nice, foamy head. It will also smell yeasty. You'll know it when you smell it. So, you are waiting and waiting and nothing happened? You probably killed it. Maybe its old. Here are a few ruled of thumb to prevent yeast genocide;
1. Check the date! Yes it has an expiration date for a reason!
2. If you have a jar of yeast, or a previously opened package it needs to be refrigerated. Unopened = cupboard, opened = fridge. easy.
3. Water temperature. If you put the little guys in water a lot hotter then 110 degrees Fahrenheit, they are dead. When checking the water, it should be just slightly warmer than body temperature.

So, now you have a nice bowl of foamy yeast, water, and some kind of sweetener. Mix it with the rest of the ingredients and there you have it, dough that will rise.

Now there are a lot of things that I could say about yeast, but this is the basic stuff that will allow you to make a fair number of baked goods. The proofing method listed works with active dry and rapid rise yeast.

Food is love

There are quite a few things in life that I love. Being a stay at home mom leaves me few opportunities to really explore my passions the way I would if I were childless person with actual, honest to goodness free time. My solution to this is to cook. Its a chore. I have to do it, and there are days that I hate it, but I am finding that with some bravery, creativity, and a husband that will eat (or at least try) my crazy creations, I am really enjoying food. This blog will feature recipes, pictures, and my triumphs and failures. Now, on to my latest creation...

Goat Cheese Pizza with Caramelized Onions and Garlic

Hubby and I have been exploring our local farmers market of late, and while there we discovered the Cheese Guy. That's not his name, but since I don't know it, that's what I am calling him. CG has goats and cows, and he makes the most divine cheese. Every weekend, I rush to his stall and start tasting. CG doesn't pasteurize his goats milk, and that makes for an incredibly flavorful cheese. This weekend, I bought a log of goats cheese with garlic scapes, rolled in fresh parsley. Now that I have this beauty, what to do with it? I decided on pizza. It cooks fast and in the heat we have had a fast cooking food is at the top of my list. It turned out very well, I didn't use a sauce, but the melted chevre was creamy and delish, and it paired well with mellow mozzarella, and the garlicky crust. Here are the component recipes: Bon Appetite!

Garlic Thin Crust Pizza Dough (makes 2 large pizzas)

3/4 c water (110 degrees F)
1 T extra virgin olive oil
1/4 t salt
2 minced cloves of garlic
2 t basil
2 t oregano
2 c flour
2 t active dry yeast.

In a large bowl (attached to a stand mixer, if you have one) add all ingredients except the olive oil, and mix with a dough hook. Drizzle the olive oil into the mixture as it is mixing. After a few minutes it should come together in a nice ball. Feel free to add a bit of extra water or evoo if it is too dry. Allow your ball to rise in a warm place, covered with a towel, for about an hour. The picture above is the dough after about 45 minutes of rise time. When this is done, divide into two balls, and stretch them onto a pizza pan, or pizza stone. If using a pan, be sure to grease it well. Once the dough is on the pan, poke little holes all over the surface of it with a fork, this will keep it from bubbling up during cooking. Add toppings and bake.

Toppings -
I brushed the surface of the uncooked pizza dough with a light coating of olive oil, and then put chunks of goat cheese over the surface of the pizza. I then sprinkled mozzarella and Parmesan cheese on top of that, and then put on the caramelized onions. I baked it at 450 for 12 minutes.

So, you've never caramelized onions? Its not that hard, just slow. Chop an onion into even sized pieces, and toss it in evoo into a pan on medium heat. LEAVE IT ALONE for about 10 mins. Then stir them around and LEAVE THEM ALONE again for about another 10 mins. This can take anywhere from 30 minutes to 1 hour. The trick is to keep the heat low and allow the onions to turn a nice brown color without burning them. As you get closer to done, you will need to stir them more frequently (caramelized, not burnt). When they are (hopefully) evenly browned and sweet, take them out. Done. See, not so hard.